Nashville, TN

Today I called Metro Water to set up service at my new diggs starting Monday. My conversation with “w’ell-call-her-Rhonda” was a little dry, yet entertaining. Here’s how it went (in my head - you know in that alternate universe Ally McBeal style)

MW: Thanks for calling Metro Water, my name is “Rhonda” customer service #41, how may I help you. (no, no question mark - because she didn’t say it like a question. It was all rather monotoned and ran together, you see.)

Me: Hi, I need to establish new service (I only knew to say it like that because the programmed menu kept saying, “if you’d like to establish new service, press 2″; otherwise, I would have stammered until something less eloquent came out like, uh…I need water)

Rhonda: ok what’s the address

Me: (I gave it to her, but I’m not gonna write it here. Duh, do you think I’m crazy?)

Rhonda: and what name should go on the account?

Me: Ramsey

Rhonda: I need first and last name

Me: ok, try Emily Ramsey

Rhonda: do you have a middle initial?

Me: Do YOU have a middle initial?

**** silence ****

Me: K.

Rhonda: and I’m gonna need your social

Me: I’ll give you mine if you give me yours…

***silence***

Me: (…and then I give it to her…cuz I need water)

Rhonda: click

So… come Monday, I will either have water, or a stolen identity. But it’s ok, because Rhonda doesn’t know she’s closing on a house today and has a new mortgage come November.

Click.

The Nashville Sounds have made the post-season again. They began play yesterday against the New Orleans Zephyrs but lost the first game. The second game is this afternoon and I believe the return home this weekend.

This is the third time in as many years the Sounds have made the playoffs. Two years ago, they won the Pacific Coast League Championship.

You know, not to sound like a broken record but a quality baseball team deserves a decent stadium. And let’s face it–Greer ain’t cuttin’ it. The Sounds have put a quality product on the field and through bungling and mismanagement by a lot of sides, a deal for a new stadium is no where on the horizon. And it should be…

For those of you who attend 4 hour night classes at Nashville State on White Bridge Road, I have tested a hypothesis and intend to post the results here.

Hypothesis: It is possible, within the standard given time span of a 10 minute break, to leave the classroom, get to your car, get a sandwich from Subway (on White Bridge Rd.), eat a sandwich from Subway, and make it back to class.

Results: It is possible, given the following contingencies:

1) you do not forget your car keys in the classroom and remember them half-way to your car which is parked .35 of a mile from your classroom.
2) you are not stopped by campus security for going over a speed-bump too hastily.
3) you can turn left onto to a major city street without a light within 30 seconds.
4) you do not get behind a slow driver in the right hand lane of White Bridge Road.
5) you do not show up to an otherwise ‘dead’ restaurant, only to wait behind one indecisive customer ordering three toasted sandwiches, being made by one very bored and unmotivated employee whose greatest pleasure is catering to undecisive customers and ignoring those who are in a hurry (me).
6) you order a mini sandwich, and not a six-inch, untoasted with minimal toppings, because that is all you’re going to have time to eat.

Otherwise, it is completely do-able.

This has been a public service experiment for night students of NSCC.

Dear Gabby,

Thanks for talking my ear off   entertaining me yesterday as I sat in the waiting room of the ER at Skyline Medical Center. Fortunately, I was not in a state of grief, turmoil, or anxiety over the condition of a loved one since I was just there waiting for a friend who was checking in on her dad who is now 2 fingers less, but doing fine (thanks for asking).

Thanks for letting me into your otherwise private life, as well as your daughter’s life, and your son’s life. I’m sure she won’t mind that I know she’s a cosmetologist and that she has scary dreams about your hair. I’m sure she would be thrilled to know complete strangers join in your celebration of her ability to deliver your last grandchild vaginally. Who knew a woman that small could complete the task. Congratulations on not having to go with a C-section.

I’m sure your son is not losing any sleep over the fact that I know his boss is a bum for not wanting him to take off work to take you to the ER again. In fact, that was him sleeping right next to you, wasn’t it? It seems the sound of his mother’s voice is so soothing that he is continuously led to slumber each time she makes a new ‘friend’.

I hope you didn’t have to wait long after I left you yesterday, since your number was 866, and they were only on 830. I’m so glad they didn’t try to give you number 666 as you originally thought your ticket said. I’m with  you, I wouldn’t have taken it either. Especially since that would have been a much longer wait. I’m sure everyone else in the waiting room was glad you didn’t have to wait any longer than you did as well.

Maybe I’ll see you next time I visit the Skyline ER. Since you apparently visit often due to chronic arthritis.

Much luck to you in the future,

Emily (the girl with the friend whose hairstyle you’d like to try)

If you’ve got a Facebook account, be on your guard if you’re invited to use Quechup. Apparently it will infilitrate your address book and send out a SPAM to everyone on your list to join as well–without your permission.

As if you didn’t know.

Happy Labor Day! Take the day off.

Go enjoy some of the different Labor Day city happenings such as:

Music, arts & crafts at Centennial Park

Summerfest at Gaylord Opryland

Franklin Jazz Festival in historic downtown Franklin

DCP_3582
Originally uploaded by bigorangemichael

To give Emily a break (and maybe let her join in the fun of figuring out where the picture comes from), I’ve decided to post my very own Where in Nashville? photo contest.

So, if you can tell me the details on the picture above you’ll win…well, the pride of knowing you’re correct. We have no huge, awe-inspiring prizes here…but isn’t knowledge really it’s own reward?

Well, it’s been almost a week, and I vaguely recall promising pictures. So here goes…

…and proof that there were carnies…(was there ever any doubt?)

…and…

..funnel cake.

Told you.

I’d also mention what the answer to yesterday’s trivia question was, but I don’t think anyone cares.

Congratulations Sid! You get first place. Tell the city how it feels to be a winner..

Onward. Whoever can beat Sid on this next question gets… um, Second Place. (sweet, huh?)

What Memphis-born celebrity produced a radio show in Nashville while in highschool?

Hint: one of his recent characters told a young boxer, “There is magic in fighting battles beyond endurance”.

and…GO

Name two presidents that lived in Nashville.

Hint: you can find them at 7/11

Prize: 1st Place

Good news–it sprinkled on my car on the way to work this morning and there’s rain in the forecast for today.

Bad news–It’s been so long since it rained, most of Nashville has forgotten how to drive in the rain…and it’s not like we, as a city, were too great at it to start with….

If you want to see my pictures of the fun you missed at the Nashville Bloggers Meet-Up Picnic, you can surf on over and see them here.

Enjoy!

Well it’s the last week of August and nobody is happier about that than me. August is my least favorite month of the year. If you want to know why - go here.

I’m also pretty happy about the fact that the 10 day forecast shows no triple digits in my near future. Today the high is supposed to be 97. By Labor Day, it’s actually supposed to be in the mid-80’s. Brrr!

It’s almost like fall is coming early.

Here’s a few words and incomplete sentences (in no particular order) that come to mind when I think back on my trip to the Wilson County Fair on Saturday night:

Carnies

Funnel cake (that was a given)

Rain

Mullets

Demolition Derby

Racist remark made over loudspeaker at demolition derby

Crowd roars in celebration of racist remark

My jaw dropping in shock at racist remark

“I was expecting the demolition derby to be more like Monster Truck Rally”, to which I was told, “then it would have been called Monster Truck Rally”

getting told.

Smallest woman ever rip-off

Seeing ‘smallest woman ever’ in the funnel cake line. (I want my dollar back)

Biggest console ever

Talking biggest-console-ever: “Aaagghh…I’m scary Console Man…” (you had to be there)

Good company

Lots of laughing

digestive pain from funnel cake

motion sickness

Side trip to Lebanon square to visit the Yeddie Head. Yup, still there.

I can hardly wait for the state fair in a couple of weeks! If it’s half as good as the Wilson Count fair AND half as hot, I’m already as good as there.

Anybody else want to share highlights from YOUR trip to the fair? Please proceed in the comments section…

I haven’t had a chance to download my pictures from the Blogger Picnic yesterday, but I will soon and post some of them here.

Others will be used as blackmail material….oh wait….unless you can get in trouble for being over the age of 20 and stinkin’ at kick-ball, I guess not much incriminating.

Anyway, to tide all of you over until I get off my lazy rear and get those uploaded, here’s a funny item that was forwarded to me….

A Diary Review: Moving South, 2007

May 30, 2007 :

Just moved to Nashville, Tennessee from Chicago, Illinois.
Now, this is a city that knows how to live!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place!
I watched the sunset from a park while lying on a blanket.
It was beautiful.
I’ve finally found my home.
I love it here.

June 14, 2007 :

Really heating up.
Got to 100 degrees today. Not a problem.
Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this.
I’m turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30, 2007:

Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today.
Lots of cactus and rocks. The yard is a breeze to maintain!
No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but
I love living in Nashville.

July 10, 2007 :

The temperature hasn’t been below 100 degrees all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least it’s kind of windy, but getting used to the heat and
humidity is taking longer than I expected.

July 15, 2007:

Fell asleep by the pool.
(Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.)
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do.
I learned my lesson, though.
Got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.

July 20, 2007:

Morgan (our cat) sneaked into the car when I left this morning.
By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and
swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000
leather upholstery.
I told the kids that she ran away.
The car now smells like Kibbles and shits.
I learned my lesson, though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25, 2007:

The wind sucks.
It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!
And it’s hot as hell!

The home air-conditioner is on the fritz,
and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he
needed to order the parts.

July 30, 2007:

Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.
The monthly house payment is $1,500 and we can’t even go inside.
Why did I ever come here?

August 4, 2007:

It’s 105 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today for a
cost of $900.

The temperature gets down to 78 degrees,
but this freaking humidity makes the house feel like it’s about 95
degrees.
I hate this stupid city.

August 8, 2007:

If another wise ass person cracks, “Hot enough for
you today? I’m going to strangle him. Damn heat.
By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes
are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!

August 9, 2007:

Tried to run some errands after work.
Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seats in the ol’ car.
I thought my ass was on fire.
I lost two layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and
ass.
Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

August 10, 2007:

The weather report might as well be a damn recording.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny.
It’s been too hot to do anything for two damn months,
and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn’t it ever rain in this damn desert?
Water rationing will be next, so I might as well watch $1,700 worth of
cactus just dry up and blow into the damn pool.

Not even cactus can live in this damn heat.

August 14, 2007:

Welcome to HELL!!!
The temperature got to 105 degrees today.
Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car.
The installer came to fix it and said, “Hot enough for you today?”
My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail.
Freaking South.
What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?