Nashville, TN

Today I called Metro Water to set up service at my new diggs starting Monday. My conversation with “w’ell-call-her-Rhonda” was a little dry, yet entertaining. Here’s how it went (in my head - you know in that alternate universe Ally McBeal style)

MW: Thanks for calling Metro Water, my name is “Rhonda” customer service #41, how may I help you. (no, no question mark - because she didn’t say it like a question. It was all rather monotoned and ran together, you see.)

Me: Hi, I need to establish new service (I only knew to say it like that because the programmed menu kept saying, “if you’d like to establish new service, press 2″; otherwise, I would have stammered until something less eloquent came out like, uh…I need water)

Rhonda: ok what’s the address

Me: (I gave it to her, but I’m not gonna write it here. Duh, do you think I’m crazy?)

Rhonda: and what name should go on the account?

Me: Ramsey

Rhonda: I need first and last name

Me: ok, try Emily Ramsey

Rhonda: do you have a middle initial?

Me: Do YOU have a middle initial?

**** silence ****

Me: K.

Rhonda: and I’m gonna need your social

Me: I’ll give you mine if you give me yours…

***silence***

Me: (…and then I give it to her…cuz I need water)

Rhonda: click

So… come Monday, I will either have water, or a stolen identity. But it’s ok, because Rhonda doesn’t know she’s closing on a house today and has a new mortgage come November.

Click.